Is Adoption The Right Choice For Me? Questions To Ask Yourself

You're leaning toward making the choice to place your child for adoption. Congratulations! Have you asked yourself the appropriate questions to know you are making the right decision?

Remember, Adoption is a permanent
decision. Once you have signed your consent to the adoption, you can no
longer change your mind.

Permanent
can be a scary thought. Your decision is forever. But, it is
important to remember that Adoption is a birth mother's (and birth
father's) ultimate act of courage and an undying love for their
child.

Why should you consider adoption? There are many reasons. Below are a few reasons:

• You do not believe in abortion.
• You are not ready to be a parent.
• You are scared that having a baby will hinder your plans for your future (college, career)
• You are putting your child's needs ahead of your own.
• You want your child to have everything that you are not able to provide for him or her.
• You want your child to have a stable, two parent home.
• Your current situation is not the best for a child.
• You already have children and the addition of another child will take away from your ability to provide for those children.
• You do not have a strong support system to help you care for the child.
• You do have a strong support system, but do not want to rely on others to help care for your child.
• The birth father is not a good influence for your child.
• The birth father is not supportive of you either emotionally or financially.

Once you have considered the above, now ask yourself the following questions before you make that first call to find an adoption professional.

1. Have I shared my plans to place my child for adoption with anyone (friends, family)?
2. How do the people I have shared my plans with feel about my decision?
3. If you have not shared your plans with others, how do I plan to tell them about my decision?
4. If anyone you have shared your plans with are not supportive of your decision, how can I educate them about adoption and help them see this decision is what is best for me and for my child?
5. How important is the opinion of those who disagree with my decision to place my child for adoption?
6. Have I thoroughly considered all of my options and am I confident this is the best decision for me and my baby?
7. How would my baby's life be if I choose to parent him or her?
8. Can I accomplish my goals for the future if I choose to parent my baby?

It is also important to remember that your decision is not yours alone. If you know who the birth father is, he should also be an important part of your decision making process. After all, this child is his creation also and he does have rights. Most times, the birth father is going through the same myriad of emotions as you. He may be scared for his future (as well as yours and that of your child). He may be concerned about how others will view your decision to place the child for adoption. Some things for you to consider with respect to the birth father as you are working through your own decision making process:

1. How will I approach the birth father to discuss my thoughts on placing our child for adoption?
2. Will the birth father be supportive in my decision to place our child for adoption?
3. What if he is not supportive of that decision? How will I feel if my decision is not to parent the child and he wants to take on that role by himself? If I agree to parent the child because of his desire to keep our child, what role will I expect him to play in my life and the life of our child?

You can see, there are many things for your to consider and many questions you must ask yourself when contemplating adoption for your unborn child. My advice is to not try to make this decision on your own. Seek out your family and friends for support. If your friends and family, in the beginning, are not supportive, then seek counsel with a professional. Look for crisis pregnancy centers in your community. They provide counselors to you free of charge. If there is no crisis pregnancy center in your area, look to other professional. Many state Health departments and Social Services departments may have counseling services. If you already have a relationship with a private counselor, seek him or her out to discuss your options. You may also contact an adoption agency or professional for guidance. But this option whould only be pursued if you are practically certain adoption is the certain decision you plan to make and are just looking for assurances.

Seek out a trusted teacher or school counselor. Talk to your pastor, reverend, priest. All of these people are willing to listen and guide you through your decision making process.

So . . . You're Pregnant. Now What?

Your worst fears have come to fruition. You are pregnant and do not know what to do. You have so many options. Do I keep the baby? Do I have an abortion? Do I place the baby for adoption?

These are heavy questions you must think about long and hard before making any decisions. None of the answers to these questions should be considered lightly.

You must think . . . if I decide to keep the baby, how will I support him or her? Will the baby's father help support this child we created together? What will my friends/family think?

If I choose to have an abortion . . . am I sure that I am mentally/emotionally strong enough to handle any emotions that follow afterwards? What is the baby's father's opinion of this option? What will my friends/family think?

If I choose to place my baby for adoption . . . will the baby's father consent to the adoption? Am I mentally/emotionally strong enough to handle any emotions that follow afterwards? What will my friends/family think?

Are you noticing a pattern here? While it is important to know where the baby's father, your friends and your family stand on each of these issues, it is equally (if not more) important to think of YOUR emotions and feelings on them as well.

Keeping the baby is the most ideal. But if you are young and still in school, how do you plan to support the baby? Sure. The state you live in probably has programs such as Medicaid to cover the medical bills incurred during your pregnancy and the delivery of the baby, food stamps and WIC. But realisticly, will you qualify for these programs once the child is born or past the age where WIC can help provide nutritional assistance? Many birth mothers find that they do not. Many believe the baby's father will do the right thing and support the child he helped to create. Truth is, many do not. Where will you live? How will you be able to finish school? These are but a few of the questions you must consider before choosing to keep your child.

And what about abortion. Seems easy enough. Just a simple, outpatient procedure and it's over with. But what about you? Are you sure that you can handle the wave of emotions that often follow an abortion. Talk to others who have had an abortion. Ask them how they really, truly feel about it. Are they really okay with their decision to terminate a life? Would they do it all over again if faced with the same choice? I think you will find that most women who have chosen to have an abortion regret their decision.

Then you think about placing the baby for adoption. You think about what a wonderful gift you are giving to a couple who, for what ever reason, have been unable to have a child of their own. Many of these couples try for years to conceive a biological child, undergo painful and very costly procedures, only to find out they suffer from infertility. Your quandry could make a couple very happy. There is a great sense of self fulfillment and peace when you choose adoption.

There are so many options . . . so many questions you must ask yourself and search deep for the answers.

How can I make such a huge decision?

First you should seek out your family and friends for support. Talk openly and honestly with them. Find out how they feel about each of your options, but remember, the decision is ultimately your own.

Further, look around your community for support and counseling. In many cities you will find women's crisis centers that offer a wide range of services including, but not limited to, pregnancy testing to verify you are pregnant, counseling for you through your decision making as well as for once you've made your decision on how to proceed with the pregnancy. They help provide you with maternity clothing, baby items should you decide to keep your baby and referrals to adoption agencies. Most of these centers are run by local Christian organizations and do not offer advice regarding abortion, but many are willing to counsel you after having an abortion.

So you can see, you have many options to consider, and none of these options should be considered lightly.

Think about them.

Talk to your friends, family, pastor.

Talk to a trained professional.

All of these actions combined will help guide you to the best option for YOU.

Welcome to My Blog

Hi! And welcome to my blog! I have searched and searched for blogs that deal with the unique aspects of the adoption process for both birth families and adoptive families. My searches have been hugely unsuccessful. I found many blogs relating to adoptive families journey; however, my goal will be to provide insight to the process which is helpful to both the birth families and the adoptive families.

This blog is not intended to provide legal advice or to interpret any of the adoption laws in your state. Each state has a unique set of laws concerning adoption . . . I am not a lawyer [nor do I play one on TV ;-) ] . . . therefore my interpretations would surely be way off base and I could get in a lot of trouble for pretending to be a lawyer.

After 2 years of working with an attorney who's practice areas included adoption, I have acquired a unique knowledge of the adoption process and hope to pass some of that knowledge along to my readers.

Thank you for viewing my blog.